its broken enough already. Please just stop. i can't take any more of this shit. suicide's been weighing heavily on my small, fucked up mind. i don't to be hear, dear god just take me away. i know i won't get to have a peaceful life until i can make it end.
The person i told i've been contemplating suicide told me that i'm not "allowed" to end my own damn life. he said he'd bring me back to life and kill me again. So i just asked him if he'd do it for me now, and save me some trouble. thats when another friend of mine overheard and said the same thing. it was the usual barrage of hugs and pity, no real words of comfort. my only problem is i don't have anything near sharp enough to sever any serious veins, only nick them. that being said, that wouldn't be the way i'd do it. do you know how many bottles of painkillers i see in a day? i'd say 25+. all of those are filled with 100+ pills. so i'd say 30 oxycotton and some serious drinking would do it.
not trying to be morbid, but i'm also not trying to keep on living. I'd say i may make it to 16 before its over.
Why do i think anybody gives a flying fuck anyways? all the people that know i cut always just say "oh i'm so sorry, why don't you see a shrink?" you know why? because i'm scared out of my fucking mind. Why should i be able to trust some random stranger with my issues if i can't even tell a friend without them thinking less of me. What am i supposed to say "hello, my name is ____ and i'm mentally fucked? I cut, i have been contemplating suicide for the past 2 years, and i hate my body to the extent that whenever i look into a mirror i want to punch it because theres always some huge ugly girl staring back at me. Can you give me some pills so i can finally put an end to this?"
yeah, no thank you
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