I'm not going to tell you my real name for obvious privacy reasons, but that shouldn't be a problem, should it? I'm a fourteen year old girl from some small town you've never heard of, and i've been cutting seriously for two years. I started at 8 but quit, and it sort of just managed to burrow its way back into my life.
My hobbies include drawing, reading, writing, listening/finding new music, and going to the occasional "party" (party= my friends and i get fucked up). I am an alcoholic in training, but only because it keeps me from harming myself. I breathe for music, but will never judge you for what you listen to.
I hate being labeled "emo" or "goth" because maybe i just like the color black. I am an optimistic person, and yes, i'll rock some torn black skinnys, some chucks, and a black v neck, but does that really make me goth? Just because i don't like wearing pink every day? If so, then allow me to label you.
I was bullied from the time i was in kindergarten because i had an extremely awful speech impediment, and then it got even worse in junior high as kids became assholes.
All through elementry school my father had told me how he wished he could kill himself. He showed me his gun and the ammo, put it to his head, and pulled the trigger. i screamed. he laughed. He showed it to me and said the safety was on, and if he ever took his life, i wouldn't know till the next morning.
That continued till fifth grade, when my mom and he started fighting. A LOT. She was apparently a gigantic slut/ pedophile who cheated on him with my sibling's friends.
That didn't go over well, so my father took off, telling me in a note he left me that he was heading to a mental institution, which was a fucking lie, obviously. He left to go chill with his buddy's for two days.
I still have that note.
Then, to add onto all the dumb shit that god decided to just chuck my way, i gained an ass load of weight after my parents split. After i got up to about 160, i started starving and purging myself to lose the weight.
Over the past year, my brother's gone to prison, i lost my virginity to an asshole who wouldn't let me leave the room till i had sex with him. I felt so guilty...so terrible. So, i decided that if he could be a slut and get away with it, why couldn't i? I've only had sex with one other person, but i still cry just thinking about it. I just feel like i might as well have had a neon sign over my crotch saying "easy target". He (the aforementioned virginity snatcher) fed me shot after shot till i was in drunk crying bitch mode, and unloaded my guts about how badly i missed my brother. After he comforted me, he decided to try and make out with me, which i went with. I tried to leave when it got to heavy, but he followed me to my room and shook me to "wake me up" so i'd go and hang out with him. I tried to leave again and he grabbed my arm, saying that if he was going to be nice and listen to me, then i should be nice in return. I felt like if i'd have said no, he would have forced me, so i just did it to get some fucking sleep that night.
Sorry about le sob story, i just figured i'd have to give you all (meaning all of my 0 followers) a bit of background.
Oh, and this blog will contain pictures after each post, and sometimes the post will be only pictures. Anyway, i will try not to post a lot of really graphic "triggering" pictures, but that is usually all you can find nowadays, so i apologize in advance.
"A word is dead when it is said, some say. I say it just begins to live that day"
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